new direction

So, I went to the doctor's yesterday bc my left ear has been ringing for the past week and will not stop. It's quite annoying! What's also annoying is the visit I had. First I am told that they will not do anything for my ear until it has been ringing for over a month. That's crazy! I'm finding it hard to concentrate, even sleep but I have to wait a month? Since I was there I thought I would ask about my chest xray since no one had called me. She informed me that it was normal, but since my tb test for positive I still had to do the treatment to keep the disease from being active. Blah. So, apparently you try to do treatment through the health department bc it's kinda expensive. So, the dr. called over there to get me all set up. However, they kept arguing about whether I should have the treatment or not. By this time I'm real confused. Finally, the dr asks me what my tb test measured at. I said 5 mm, which she then hung up the phone and informed me that if a test is measured at 5 mm then it is negative. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? So, really my test was NEVER negative, someone just didn't know what they were doing when they read it. Sigh.... I am glad I never had tb, but man what a freaking mess to have dealt with. So, the tb drama is over! I hope.. :)

In other news... lately I have felt like I have no purpose. I know I am a mom and a wife and don't get me wrong I LOVE it, but I mean more in a ministry sense. I'm not particularly welcomed to have a ministry of my own at our church or to really help Kenny that much... not real sure why they see a problem with that, but I'm trying to get over it. :)  I had really been wondering if I should do this whole nursing thing or not. I love science and the idea of being a nurse, but it seems like most people just want to make a lot of money. I want to be helping people! So, I was reading one of my books preparing for class and I found this...

"Traditional female roles of wife, mother, daughter, and sister have always included the care and nurturing of other family members. From the beginning of time, women have cared for infants and children: thus, nursing could be said to have its roots in the home. Religion has also played a huge role in the development of nursing. It was the Christian value of "love thy neighbor as thy self" and Christ's parable of the Good Samaritan that had a significant impact on the development of Western nursing. Early religious values, as self-denial, spiritual calling, and devotion to duty and hard work, have dominated nursing throughout history. For some time, nurses themselves believe it was inappropriate to expect economical grain from their calling to be a nurse." 

I know it's kinda long, but I thought it was pretty neat. I'm not at a christian college, nor am I surrounded by christians, yet in this standard nursing book I found that. It goes on to say how women only became nurses once they felt God had called them to help people in that way. They were actually living out the spiritual gift of hospitality. This gave a renewed longing to be a nurse. I am not interested in all the 21st century reasons I should be a nurse. I want to help people and I'm not sure I should get paid so well to do so. I have no idea where I will work when I am done or where Kenny and I will even end up, but I know that I want to be different. I can only pray that God will show me a way I can use nursing to help those who need nursing care and can't afford it, or those who don't know they need it, ect. This life is too short to worry about all the things we need instead of what those around us need. I don't want to waste my life trying to chase the "american dream." I want to tangibly live out the ideas of the church in Acts. I can only pray and believe God will guide me through every step of the way. 

update

hello everyone! i thought i would update on the whole tb issues, i will warn you though, i still don't have all the answers. while i was in ny i had ella get tested. her test was negative and she does not have tb. PRAISE THE LORD! Kenny still has to be tested and I still don't know the complete results of my tests. They sent my chest xray to the school for them to see whether i can still do nursing school or not. i went yesterday to find out and they said that everything was fine and i could start school. so that was a relief. however, i still don't know whether my xray just shows i have inactive tb or that it was a mistake and i never had it at all. hopefully i will find out soon. the drs office is being a little slow. if it's inactive i go on treatment, so i'm still hoping it was a mistake. we shall see.

in other news, ella is the sweetest thing ever. i missed her so much being away for four days, but it makes my time with her now so much better. she is getting so big and her hair is getting so long! i can't wait for everyone to see her again!

i did also start nursing school yesterday. it was ok. the first days are never fun bc of all the boring first day stuff. i'm sure it will get better. the thing that sucks is being away from ella. mondays are the worst tho and that's over! i am only gone 530 to 920 on tues and thurs nights so that worked out well. of course i will miss the bedtime routine and getting to say goodnight, but at least i get to spend most of the day with her. i'm going to just keep trying to look at the bright side! i hope everyone is doing well. miss you!  

latest news

As most of you know I had been planning on starting nursing school on Jan 12th. I was given some papers that had to be filled out to enter the program. Things like a having a physical, proof of vaccinations, and having two tb tests taken. Piece of cake right? Well it was gonna be until I had my first tb test. For anyone who doesn't know, a tb test tells you whether you have been exposed to the tuberculosis virus or not. Well, I got my test, which I have had in the past and of course expected to be negative. I had even been thinking to myself how stupid it was that I had to have two tb tests done when I knew I didn't have it! I mean I thought tuberculosis was for the pilgrims of something. Anywho, before the 48 hours were up I had a huge welt on my arm. I could have died! Of course it wasn't normal and it turns out my first tb test was positive. (this was christmas eve). I was pretty upset for a couple different reasons, not limited to: not being able to do school, worried about kenny and ella, not to mention all the other hundreds of people I have been around, and pretty mad that someone had it and was around me and didn't find it necessary to tell me. After I calmed down a bit I did some research. Apparently you can have tb and it be active or inactive. If it is inactive it just means you were around someone who had an active form, but you were healthy enough that your body fought the infection and "killed" it in your lungs where it still rests. If you are inactive you are not contagious... which is good. So, I had to have a chest xray to prove whether I had an active or inactive form of tb. If it is inactive I can continue with school, if active I cannot. The other stupid thing is my doctor thinks I got it in Thailand which means I have had it for years, including during my pregnancy. So, I very well could have passed it through the placenta to Ella. Thankfully every doctor I have seen says it has to be inactive. Plus, Ella's doctor says that if it would have been active I would have passed it to her and that would have been a very serious complication during the first few days of her lives. In other words we would have known by now if I had passed it on to her that way. If you are young and healthy it usually is inactive. Plus, I have never had any of the symptoms which include: high fevers, uncontrollable coughing, and major weight loss. So, as you read this please don't freak out thinking I contaminated you. I have decided to post all of this because I would like your prayers. Even though the tb is inactive, I have to go through 6 months of treatment. Anytime in my life the tb can decided to turn active if it chooses. This is why most people die when they are older of it. Once they are not that healthy anymore their body can't fight the bacteria anymore and it spreads to other parts of their body. I also would ask for prayers that I did indeed get tb from Thailand because if not then that means more than likely the person I was around who gave it to me also gave it to Kenny and Ella. I don't want Ella to have to go through such a rough treatment. I know this is a long post and kinda personal, but I need your prayers! Thanks!